When a woman gets pregnant, although the baby is physically attached, something inside connects their hearts and they begin building that bond that a mommy and their baby has.
While pregnant with Riley I always had a feeling I had to be prepared for something. I didn't know for what, but I knew two things. 1. He had to have Dawson in his name and 2. He would come early.
To me, as a Dawson my name means something. I feel confident as a Dawson. As a Dawson I am a fighter, not a quitter. To me I always knew my little boy for some reason needed our strength to fight.
But, I never knew it would be so quickly after he was born.
That connection that a mother has with their unborn baby allows them to prepare and "talk" to one another, getting ready to greet each other upon arrival. When Riley was born I never expected to have to "give him up" so quickly. As a mom you expect to have all those leading up moments of pregnancy come together and be completed those first few days of bonding after they are born.
For me my survival mode quickly Q.U.I.C.K.L.Y took over. My husband called me a machine b/c even though just getting out of surgery some how I was recovering, helping take care of a two year old and go to and fro from the hospital. In many ways my emotion was gone. I was afraid of loosing him.
In the NICU I struggled with wanting to bond and then fighting myself to become too close. While he struggled in the NICU I would sing to him. When Tyler is upset Ryan and I sing to him Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star. Riley must have gotten used to this while in my womb. As I would sing to him he would calm down. I never knew that it would be so hard to sing to my little baby. This song was the only way I could "touch" him. Our hands were off limits. My voice was the only thing that could help my baby in his struggling moments. I would fight back tears trying to be strong enough to continue on singing so I could help my little boy be comforted in the moments he needed me most.
As I scan through the pictures of our days in the NICU feelings I never knew I had flood my mind. God truly protected us as a family to get through those moments we needed him most. I am so grateful for medical technology, prayers, blessings, and miracles.
When you get pregnant you don't think about the possibility of loosing your baby. My perspective as a mom is different now that I have had to have that thought pass through my mind. Riley Dawson Williams. (Riley), he is sweet as it sounds; (Dawson), he is strong and fights; and (Williams) he has a life to make his as Ryan and I came together to create him and gave him both of us to make it his own.
We love you Riley and are so proud of your ability to fight and join our precious family.