I am sentimental and a thinker. Sometimes that gets me in trouble. I love to write and anylaze, which also gets me into trouble. I plan things out in my head and have an idea about how things should be, which also gets me into trouble.
I think this is a good thing about me because it makes me really care about people and be very passionate about the things I love; although, it sometimes causes me to feel sad or let down.
My mom is a great example to me on how to enjoy the moment and just go with the flow- to many I seem that way, but I really am wound pretty tight, another thing I am trying to work on.
Ryan is the most even keel, easy going, happy guy I know. He doesn't put a lot of thought into things (at least the every day type things) and is happy with most things how ever the turn out, another thing I am trying to work on.
So, why I say all this. Well, yesterday it was Tyler's birthday. A day to celebrate my little, cute, bundle of a year old son and it was one of the most satisfying, complete and closure type of days.
It was wonderful. I don't normally feel that way as I am always making plans, working on the next goal, and looking for the future to be better.
But yesterday, I looked back with happiness, with no regrets, with satisfaction, with completeness. It was great!
And this past year it doesn't mean it hasn't been hard or not full of tears. First I ended up with a c-section. Those of you that have had one can understand how difficult it is taking care of a newborn and healing from a major surgery. Then, nursing did not happen. Of all things, I wanted this to happen so badly. I went to 12 different lactation consultants and by the end she suggested to bottle feed. It took me a whole 8 months to get over this. I really felt a great loss and didn't feel like I could connect to anybody that could understand how much I hurt over this. In the year we moved three times: New Jersey to Utah and then to CA. We couldn't find a job, and then got one. Have flown with Tyler 8 times, taken a road trip 4 times, have not had a place of our own since last year....
but, with all of these things, I have discovered so much about my self. I have come to understand the deep love a Mom has and the power that comes with a strong marriage and making right decisions. I have come to understand how much God loves me and knows me, and he has helped me to understand what he knows. I have come to understand the love of family and the sacrafices made because they love.
At the end of one year, in celebration of our little boy, he has brought so much joy and peace. Not only a birthday, but a birthing day that has been momentous, not planned to be such, but a day of completion, no guilt, and peace. How I am grateful for those feelings.
Happy Birthday to Tyler and happy year to Ryan and I for being parents for a year now. This goes out to all of you parents each time your children have a birthday- what a year to celebrate and look back to celebrate, no matter what has occured hard to not, it is a day to cheer and be happy!