Thoughts of being a Mom to Ty

I made a 1 year scrapbook for Tyler and in it I wrote this letter for him. I thought I would share:

Dear my little Ty,

Happy Birthday, my little one! A year ago was one of the happiest days I have ever experienced. From the very beginning you have taught me about the world, about heaven, about me, and given me a deeper motivation to achieve my goals.

I have spoken of the first time you were placed on my chest. Tears drop as I reminisce that moment. Although the first time I had seen you, I recognized your spirit, reconnecting with my little boy I have always known. That moment you gave me hope and confidence. Since that very moment, we have done it together. As Mother and son, we have communicated in a way I have never experienced. Even though no words have been spoken between us, I could tell the whole world all about you.

You are the sweetest little boy- one so sweet I didn’t know they came so good. You are soft and gentle just like your skin. You love to hear a giggle, knowing the perfect time to be silly. You love to joke by provoking a tickle or a peek-a-boo. Some how so sensitive, your cuddles, hug, and smile touches Mommy’s heart, as your timing seems oh so perfect. You love the out doors- a dog, some dirt, or a garden hose. Shopping carts get you going, esp. if you can push it. Eating is your hobby. And big boy is your middle name. Forget the baby food, you want grilled onions (your favorite), fruit, or anything we eat. Your curly, crazy hair is a perfect symbol of you- laid back, happy, and want to play. You are just like your mommy who loves to sleep and just as daddy who thinks you’ll offend the pillow when you get up. Your Granddad always brings you a smile and your Grandma is always someone you can trust. Your Dad has always been right by your side. Some how you two communicate a language different than the one we communicate. That will always be, you are his little “buckaroo”. In your eyes the whole world is waving, not wanting to be rude, you are always waving back.

I loved the smell you had as a newborn and the entire day we had to cuddle as you slept. I love having my little boy always with me. I never have to worry about being alone in the middle of the day because I have you. I love those times when no one can calm you down, except for me. I loved when you were tiny and you would fall asleep as soon as I would pick you up because you knew me. I love your tiny hands and how they are always fiddling, esp. when they fiddle with mine. I love to see you learn and look up to me saying, “look Mom, see what I did!” I love your breath, funny, but I do. I love making you laugh by a joke, a funny noise, a wrestle, and hide, or a tickle. I love to teach you, even if it is disciplining you because I know that structure and rules will help you to be calm and confident. I loved when I was in the hospital and all night, as tired as I was, I couldn’t wait for you to come in the room to be fed because I missed you so much. I love your little sounds and learning the new ones that come along as you grow- a goat, a parakeet, a motor boat, a “mama”, a “dada”, or the sound that you make with your vibrating tongue and lips. Every time I bring you out I hope everyone notices you because you are so cute and have such a fun personality. As you can see, I have been so proud and have taken pictures almost every day. I love to rock you to sleep and for you to put your hand on my chest. I love to feel you twitch as you fade asleep and for your little body to go limp as you are completely out. You have the most beautiful eyes and some how they say as many words as Dad’s do to me. One day you find your hands and other days it is your nose. Going buff makes you feel free and wild. The pool is home to you and the sand for some reason doesn’t like you. Technology speaks to you and chords entangle you.

If one year can bring me so much joy, I can’t imagine how I will feel when I am old. Timing is perfect, but if I could change that, it would have been to bring you into this world year and years ago, as you have been the most wonderful, exciting, happy thing your dad and I have ever done. Even though a little head, your mind, I’m sure has thought of a million wishes and ones you’ve already connived up to get. May they come true, and as you mature and think of more, may those too. You deserve a perfect world and the most thrilling life. But for now, lets focus on that delicious cake that’s as big as you and all yours- DIG IN!

I love you my little Ty,

Mommy