I can choose, I just need to take the first step

I need to have hope. Sometimes its so hard when this trial has been for so long. I feel like things won't ever change. And I am tired.

I know the lord loves me, but sometimes he seems so far away. I guess that is in my hands and something I need to change and take control of. No matter what gets taken out of my control,  my spirituality will always be in my hands.

No matter how depressed or sick I am, I can always feel close to the lord. I am Sitting outside alone. I feel Gods presence when I am outside. Its beautiful outside with flowers, trees, sounds, smells, the wind, the heat, coolness- all at the same time. Its hard to not feel better when being outside.

I know I am incredible person, and I am also a person that also deals with anxiety and depression. I'm not defined by my depression, anxiety or headaches. Sometimes I forget that.

I'm grateful for God that he can remind me of that. But its my choice to take the first step and pray to him, read his words,  step outside, or whatever it is to bring the spirit stronger into my life and be reminded of who I am, in Gods eyes.