My mom has been my angel as she has taken such good care of me and helps me to be comfortable. I was nervous before the surgery to "say good-bye" to being mommy and wife for a little while. But the Lord is blessing me with comfort and a sense of "it's okay". Ryan has been having a great time with the boys and we are all happy and content. I am so grateful for that peace. The boys have sensed that they need to be gentle with me and have found nurturing by others around. I am happy that they are happy with their mom out of commission. I was worried about Ryan, but being Mr. Mom has gave him a great sense of joy in being their daddy and I have loved watching the three of my boys bond.
My spirits have been high the entire time and I have not needed to cry nor have I had any bouts of feeling overly frustrated. I knew that I would be in pain, life would be on hold, and uncomfortable for a while. So I have focused on the wonderful things that are around me: I have had lots of visitors and I love to feel their love and support, that keeps me staying positive. I love being able to stay at my moms and be with my parents. It is like when I was a kid and it is fun to be here. I love when I get to see my kids and their sweet faces. My dad goes over to my house at night before bedtime and plays with the kids and Ryan comes to be with me. I look forward to being with him and I love that my kids get to be spoiled by their Grandad. I love a gentle walk outside, sitting in the pool with my mom, or a soft back rub. I look forward to the evening when my dad gets home, the weather cools off and we can sit on the back porch and enjoy the view and company of one another. My back has not been hurting so I have surprisingly enjoyed being lazy on the couch and watching tv or just resting. I love being loving to myself (a new skill I am learning) and empathizing with myself telling myself positive things like- you've got this, it's okay you are struggling, you are getting through! At night I usually don't fall asleep until 1-3pm (days 3-6 so far), but in those late hours I have allowed myself to enjoy the quite cool hours and not fortune tell about how a shortened night sleep could "ruin" my next day. It has been nice to focus on the simple things that make me happy- a warm compress against my cheeks, a warm shower, people watching, feeling the breeze outside....
Life is good and I am so happy that surgery is done and I am pleasantly (as possible) getting through something as big as I am!
Uncomfortable parts of jaw surgery recovery:
- my face is numb. I have burned my face a bit with a hot pack b/c I couldn't feel it was so hot
- can't yawn (mouth is completely closed shut)
- lips are cut up in more places than I thought. As the numbing slowly goes away, I become more aware of all the stiches and cuts in my mouth
- my nose is stuffed and I can't blow it (doctors orders) and my mouth is closed completely shut. In the middle of the night I woke up quite panicked because I couldn't breath. Thank goodness for plastic tubes that I place on the sides of my checks that create an airway to breath.
- twitching and body jerks. For some reason my body twitches and entire body jerks when I am falling asleep or asleep. This makes it very difficult to sleep. I think this is because of the heavy meds I am on?
- numb face coming "back" to feeling. Above my lip and below my nose I get these very painful "electrical impulses" that are sharp and random. I usually get them when I am about to fall asleep and it completely wakes me up because of the pain.
- my molars hurt. I don't why this is, but when I sleep they are so painful they wake me up. It might be my actual jaw and I am just feeling it in my molars, but when I sleep it keeps me awake (so I guess I wouldn't be sleeping then :))
- when something gets stuck on my tongue. Some how a little particle will get stuck on my tongue, but I can't stick my tongue out to get it off. annoying! to say the least!
- blood clots in my nose. I look forward to doing a nasal rinse every morning and evening in my shower. Big blood clots come pouring out of my nose. Lovely, in every way ;)
- Last night was the first night I laid down mostly flat. I have had to have my head above my heart 24 hours a day. A bit difficult trying to sleep.
- Hard to follow things with my eyes (reading, things on phone, tv) because of the extreme headaches I have been having with this and swelling in my eyes I can't concentrate on much with my eyes.
- The pain meds make me tired, but make my mind busy. It is difficult to sleep with a busy mind.
- My face is very, very itchy. Have you had a itchy, numb face? Not fun.
- night- I have breathing tubes in my mouth to breath, but have too much spit. I have so much mucous build up from the surgery that the breathing tubes slip out. I have stiches and cut up lips which make it is difficult to place the breathing tubes. All night I am balancing trying to relax, keep the slipping breathing tubes in, not loosing them in bed, trying to breath, relaxing after body jerks, calming my busy medication filled mind, relaxing my lips from the electrical impulses, trying to find an open airway through my nose when my molars hurt too bad to breath through the tubes, and when I have finally wrangled in all those problems, it is time to wake up to take my meds :) Luckily, this will change and I am remembering that each night I fight this battle :)
Pleasantly surprised about:
- syringe feeding hasn't been as hard as I thought it might
- I am not as hungry as I thought I would be
- I don't really miss food yet because my mouth is in too much pain to think about eating
- I am not bored
- Boys are doing okay without me and "understand" this time
- the 3/day oral rinses I am doing is helping me to feel like I have a "clean" mouth. I love to brush my teeth and have a fresh breath and was worried about the nasty tastes I would have. Luckily the prescribed oral rinse has been awesome!
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1 comment:
I can't even imagine going through this. You are amazing! Everyday/hour/minute/second, you are healing! Glad you have fun things to do and great people around you!
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